Blankness and Bill Gates, An Epic Struggle.

Back again, Armed with Microsoft word 2007 and Standardised UK language settings, and back to the normal format, after finding the “new blog post” feature of Word 2007, has no other great feature to it but to really irritate me by having fewer formatting features than word – yet pose as your ‘mate’ in a path of technological software enhancements. You’ve got to put it to Gates and the Microsoft crew – they just really are masters of getting on peoples tits, whilst being the default masters of the universe in their own right. C***’s.

I’m really finding it hard not to make this into some kind of diary, or even to say something nice about something, but every single time it’s turning me into a depressing life sceptic intent on belittling anything that slightly touches a nerve. But intently this struck upon some soul searching for a slight minute (*HOUR) and over the past few months I’ve grown slightly worried that deep inside, within the centre of my soul, lurks some kind of terrifying consuming blankness that I can’t get rid of.

Just to clear up, this isn’t anything like depression – which would show itself as an actively negative mindset, rather it’s an absence of any kind of definable mood whatsoever. It’s not like glancing at the glass of water and seeing it as half empty; more like glancing at the glass of water and seeing it as half full, but shrugging indifferently and staring at the wall instead of running about crying with joy and setting off party poppers. And to be fair, vacant indifference is the only sane reaction to a mere glass of water in the first place! It’s hard to create much enthusiasm or despair either way. Which clever idiot at the department of philosophical metaphors decided that in which way you perceived a glass of water should be the barometer of character building anyway! If I was going to find out if someone was a pessimist or an optimist, I’d fucking ask them all right!

I’ve started rambling again, but that was totally just an FYI moment right there.

Anyways, back to that creeping personal blankness, on one hand it’s more than likely a bonus, I take no pride in anything I do whatsoever and take very little interest I do outside in real life, so essentially I’m just a robot observing life go past like prizes going past on the generation game conveyor belt. And on the other hand, it’s a win-win situation – or for that matter would be, if I had any concept of ‘winning’ in the first place.

This, consequently, is why I’ve created this blog. To stir back up the creativity inside myself, because I feared otherwise I’d spiral slowly backwards down the long and dark stairwell of being a complete and utter moron, and as a bonus – I feel it’s starting to have an effect after even 3 posts. So there you go – something that’s spawned on the internet that I can actually thank, rather than shake my fist at any computer I use without an internet connection, render the computer useless and give up all hope of getting anything creative done.

I’m going to bed to conjure up a plan on creating a new operating system to take down windows. Night all!